Sunday, September 28, 2008
well the screamin eagle been goin round again, but today's hump feels good, not so scary although it's inevitable I'll be back on the dive with my guts flyin out my ass and my heart climbing up my windpipe. A small moment of terror threw me into chaos last night tryna explain my situation my lurve from lurvenworth to a lurvens she was scandalized maybe put off, and I'm thinkin shes slinging my own uncertainty back at me, who am I foolin' ; but as always the more I rap the better I feel, seeing her present predicament 'n' 'memberin how I really got no answers last time tho I admit I never fully explained my feelins; finally the moment came last nite standing on the verge of full disclosure seemed opportune but terrifying could disrupt everything even tho it's what I done thought I wanted. Wimped out but left feelin proud of my position, so easy to forget how good I really got it.MYW at 11:18 AM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
talkin loud and sayin nothin
Are you interested in a career in law enforcement? Jake the humorless Chicagoland shithead tried to get the better of me as it gets colder, colder; the sun cant keep itself up there so long anymore, gets tired wanna come down and sleep on a day like this I commiserate even two hours before Ashley were to visit with her kitty-covered clothing I was sneezing, couldn't keep from crying. What was the allergen? May never know, hope it's a sign that my nose is returning to normal. Anyway took diphenhydramine to cure it, knocked me out took a nap an hour. The day is a void, seems liek a global phenomenon, my peer group isn't doing anything about it, no activity really just rolling thru it. Was feeling worrisome about my class and the object of my affection, the former can I handle another 2 months of grind?and the latter seems she's not so receptive to the idea but I am patient, even if I stay single won't be lonely, she's a good friend to have and that's what it's all about although I'm getting antsy; will I ever find true love? Call me back.MYW at 6:38 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2008
move in
A huge wave of newbies neophytes novices fresh meat come pourin in through every orifice onto campus witness plenty of possessions carts and carts full televisions stereos amplifiers clothes furniture straight haired daddies to curly haired grandmas as well as family feuds infighting disruptive antics collegebound cretins and they act to cool for mom and dad. I moved em in packed em in there one by one keeping em cool tryin to anyways. I lay my head down at night and all I see is carts and carts, I twitch and wretch. Dreamed about whatserface and woke with longing, knowing she's pretty indifferent to it, and on the b-side would probably lead to discomfort in staff getdowns, meanwhile I can't focus on the thangs that keep me up and I can't talk about it either. can only hope I spring a leak.MYW at 10:03 AM
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Skipped over August I guess straight into the harvest season new peer group and all the associated feelings, hard time finding the right role at least a little more sure of myself but still constantly evaluating my behavior tryna please whomever. All around campus activities today excited about my job, opportunities are endless, fascinating, empowering and daunting, as always. Somewhat concerned for friends comin back what will go down I can't even pretend to place it lots of stuff to be excited about. Romance? The old options are out, most definitely i would like to keep employed. One lady caught my eye always thought she was pretty now really, like her smile and funny, quite beautiful, kinda quiet, can I guess what is under the head? So tired usually and disinterested Afraid I'm doing the lootsgollin angelicizing routine, succumbing to fantasy.... was feeling attraction thru the viscera but don't know if i pursued where would it lead feel like she's a wildcard and it intimidates me in my closed up sheltered white world never could understand the life where people just let it out that feral expulsivity terrifies my sanity and my hivphobia. Takes so long to make a friend, hard in a transient world everyone movin around all the time, never really learned a stable loving friendship, though I'm trying to hype myself into it, but jesus, some of the stuff I wanna say scares teh shit out of me.MYW at 6:38 PM